I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
I FOUND THE LEGS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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