My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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