It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
