OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
