3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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