You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
