my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
