I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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