Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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