I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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