It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There r osticjed everywhere
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
