So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
