omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
