So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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