So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
