Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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