just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
