I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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