i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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