no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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