somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
