Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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