Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
