i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
