I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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