The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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