A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
