he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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