I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's always time for handjobs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
