I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
