I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize