I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
