I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just gargled with NyQuil
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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