I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
