Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
