he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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