If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Come share oat with me in your robe
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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