how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
