I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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