So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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