I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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