Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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