i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So apparently I’m into choking now
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