i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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