dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
