If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
