I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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