Just cropdusted the office
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
