I just pynch a tree in the face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
