Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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