so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
