apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
