Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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