who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
