So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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