ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
