i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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