I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
