quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize