You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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