I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
