I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize