he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
