Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
