he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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