woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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