Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
