I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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