My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
