Will you blow on my dice?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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