I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
