oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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