Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you win again, gameday.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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