im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Randomize
