theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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