I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
