Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
