Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have already put on my inside pants.
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