im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sext me about skeletons
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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