the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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