You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
