This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
