1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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