I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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