So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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