We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
